I am a guy.
My counselor recently asked me how I knew I was a man. After giving him a look because anyone looking at me could never mistake me for anything other than a man, I replied a bit awkwardly.
I know I am a man because I look like a man.
You would think that would be enough. Apart from my obvious anatomical make-up I figured the heavy facial hair, hairy arms and huge bread basket in front, would give that away. He wasn't convinced.
"And...."
And What!?
"..aaannnd. And I burp like a man." That had to be a good answer right? He just kept looking at me.
"Okay," I continued a bit unsure of what to say. "I feel a sense of duty to serve and protect." Oh geesh! Now I sound like Seargent Friday from Dragnet.
"Go on." His smile was a bit taunting.
"Okay, well I dress like a man; I eat like a man. I am a workaholic like a man. I yell like a man. I do man stuff."
Okay the doing man stuff was a bit of a stretch. I mean I'm not handy with tools. I'm not good with cars. I barely know what each sport is and don't know who plays what. I haven't ever watched an entire super-bowl game in my life. I don't drink beer, gamble, or cheat on my steady. I don't lift weights. Now I'm not saying every man does all those things. I know those are stereotypes, but I couldn't imagine a better way to define being a man than doing man stuff.
He just put his chin in his hand and pushed for more. "Anything else?"
"Well, I'm attracted to women, I feel like a man, and I'm not allowed in the women's rest room." At least that one got a chuckle out of him.
I finished by saying "I know I am a man because God reminds me of my responsibility to be a man every day. I have to work hard, be courteous to the ladies, and be courageous. I have to accept his calling to be a good man in my society, family and community."
Now this was an extraordinary conversation, because no one ever asked me before how I knew I was a man. He asked me because we were talking about how I feel more comfortable talking to women than men. I mean most of the time, when I talk to men, I feel like I am a little clueless. Either I don't know what they are talking about, or I dont quite measure up. I feel less manly than other men. It's hard to explain. But what it all boils down to is I have a confidence problem.
The comforting thing about that is that we all have a confidence problem. Some of us just don't see it as clearly or blindingly as I do. For me, my confidence problem can be debilitating, which is bad. So that is what I am working on. Having the confidence to be the man God has made me to be.
