DRAFT--
Today while I was completing my morning Bible study, Max Lucado guided my thoughts to introspection.  It seems just when I need something, God provides it.  Here, he guided me to see past the fog I've been living in.

I decided to identify my specific gifts.  I chose 10 skills I should be capitalizing on in my rebuilding of my self image.  Of course I can improve much more, and give in other ways, but as Max Lucado pointed out, "just because I like to sing, doesn't mean others will appreciate my singing.  I have to have a sane realization of my gifts."

I figured I would be more successful if I limited myself to 10.  10 skills which are applicable to many situations in my digital media hungry social networking culture. By focusing on these skills and God given talents, I am doing two things.

First I acknowledge that God created me.  I am special.    My unique personality, experiences, and interpretation of my own gifts and blessings is my personal brand.  (I can cash on this if I am smart and work at it.)  I do not need to continue feeling blue.  I am created by a master.  God created me for his purpose.  If I embrace those things he created in me which shine his light, I will find success, and better serve his purpose.  This realization makes me happy.

Secondly, identifying these ten gifts allows me to narrow my focus.  I can find a new job, adapt to my new role in society, and overcome the setbacks I have been struggling with for more than a year. By focusing on these 10 gifts/skills I will naturally strengthen them through use and practice.  God will present situations in which I can utilize my gifts.  For example, instead of writing clearer rules for the pool area in the apartment complex I live in, I can write something for a larger audience. 

If I learn anything from this simple Bible study and the fertile thoughts that sprung up from it, I must learn that I am created by an amazing God for a specific purpose.  His purpose is not clear in my desires, but might be glimpsed in the little gifts he has bestowed upon me.  I must embrace this pursuit of excellence, even if it is not where I expected it to lead me. 

My 10 gifts are:



 

One

I am a guy.


My counselor recently asked me how I knew I was a man. After giving him a look because anyone looking at me could never mistake me for anything other than a man, I replied a bit awkwardly.

I know I am a man because I look like a man.


You would think that would be enough. Apart from my obvious anatomical make-up I figured the heavy facial hair, hairy arms and huge bread basket in front, would give that away. He wasn't convinced.

"And...."

And What!?

"..aaannnd. And I burp like a man." That had to be a good answer right? He just kept looking at me.

"Okay," I continued a bit unsure of what to say. "I feel a sense of duty to serve and protect." Oh geesh! Now I sound like Seargent Friday from Dragnet.

"Go on." His smile was a bit taunting.

"Okay, well I dress like a man; I eat like a man. I am a workaholic like a man. I yell like a man. I do man stuff."

Okay the doing man stuff was a bit of a stretch. I mean I'm not handy with tools. I'm not good with cars. I barely know what each sport is and don't know who plays what. I haven't ever watched an entire super-bowl game in my life. I don't drink beer, gamble, or cheat on my steady. I don't lift weights. Now I'm not saying every man does all those things. I know those are stereotypes, but I couldn't imagine a better way to define being a man than doing man stuff.
He just put his chin in his hand and pushed for more. "Anything else?"

"Well, I'm attracted to women, I feel like a man, and I'm not allowed in the women's rest room." At least that one got a chuckle out of him.

I finished by saying "I know I am a man because God reminds me of my responsibility to be a man every day. I have to work hard, be courteous to the ladies, and be courageous. I have to accept his calling to be a good man in my society, family and community."

Now this was an extraordinary conversation, because no one ever asked me before how I knew I was a man. He asked me because we were talking about how I feel more comfortable talking to women than men. I mean most of the time, when I talk to men, I feel like I am a little clueless. Either I don't know what they are talking about, or I dont quite measure up. I feel less manly than other men. It's hard to explain. But what it all boils down to is I have a confidence problem.

The comforting thing about that is that we all have a confidence problem. Some of us just don't see it as clearly or blindingly as I do. For me, my confidence problem can be debilitating, which is bad. So that is what I am working on. Having the confidence to be the man God has made me to be.